Boris The Candle

There has been an interesting development re Boris and his plans for London. I am not sure if he had LAND CONSERVATION in mind when he came up with the idea of building a RESIDENTIAL BRIDGE ACROSS THE THAMES but it seemed to me to be quite a GOOD IDEA. Of course ANGUS BURTON thinks it's a huge joke and that IT WOULD NEVER BE POSSIBLE to build houses, flats, offices and shops on a GIANT BRIDGE - he says it would CREAK UNDER THE STRESS and it would ONLY BE A MATTER OF TIME before the whole lot crashed into the Thames and the RESULTING SINKING would make the TITANIC look like a DOLPHIN FLIP . Then he said it might cause a TSUNAMI and everyone would be screaming for Noah to SAVE THEIR PETS. Angus Burton has no sense.

Anyway the other news about Boris is that there is a GIANT WAXWORK of him in MADAM TUSSARDS. He "walked around himself" and said he didn't realise how fat he was. I have a plan. To SAVE ELECTRICITY in TRAFALGAR SQUARE and to light up NELSON'S COLUMN I suggest that they thread a GIANT WICK through the the Boris waxwork and we could have a GIANT BORIS CANDLE. This would be another great TOURIST ATTRACTION.

There is more news to come of Angus Burton's nits.

Swampy. My Hero.

Today it was my turn to give a FIVE MINUTE talk about MY HERO. This was a TALL ORDER after RAM's impressive talk about NELSON MANDELA. Most of the class spoke about footballers, even some of the girls, but I spoke about SWAMPY. Swampy is an ECO WARRIOR who once lived in some underground tunnels, like a human mole, near a new road called THE A34. Swampy lived in these tunnels to try and STOP THE ROAD FROM BEING BUILT. Then he tried to stop a runway being built at Manchester Airport which was BRAVE as that’s not easy to do when there are gigantic jets roaring round your head. Once Swampy lived up in a tree to stop it from being axed down. It didn’t work but it was A BRAVE ATTEMPT. Swampy is also not a fan of NUCLEAR SUBMARINES. He doesn’t live in a house he lives in the middle of a forest in a YURT which is a bit like a tent. Nomads in Central Asia live in YURTS. Swampy does not have any electricity or running water from taps and he uses and ECO LOO which is a hole in the ground with straw and stuff in it. He LIVES OFF THE LAND and grows all his own vegetables. Swampy is, I told the class, THE REAL DEAL which is why he is MY HERO.

Miss Piggott said HOW FASCINATING CHARLIE BUT IT IS IMPORTANT NOT TO TAKE DANGEROUS RISKS LIKE TRYING TO BE A HUMAN MOLE WHEN YOU ARE TRYING TO SAVE THE WORLD.

Angus Burton, the class clown, says his fat dog, Henry VIII, would make a good protestor like Swampy because HE SOMETIMES SITS IN THE ROAD AND WON’T MOVE. He would be an IDEAL BLOCKADE for any new runway. He also said that his dog uses ECO LOOS because he just GOES wherever he wants outside. He laughed his head off when he said his dog was a terrier and could be an ECO TERRIER. None of us thought it was as funny as he did. One day I expect he may take life more seriously - it is to be hoped so as it has been officially confirmed that he has nits and is hoping to share them with others as he says SOMEONE HAS DEFINITELY SHARED THEM WITH HIM.

Two Nelsons Rock The Boat

On Friday my friend Ram gave a five minute class talk about HIS HERO. He said his hero was NELSON MANDELA. Angus Burton, the class clown, thought this was the Nelson that sailed about on ships and ONLY HAD ONE ARM and a girlfriend called JOSEPHINE.

Ram didn't seem distracted by this because he is TOO POLITE. Ram said that Nelson Mandela spent TWENTY SEVEN YEARS IN PRISON because he UPSET THE AUTHORITIES IN SOUTH AFRICA. This was at the time of apartheid which means that people were separated because of the COLOUR OF THEIR SKIN. When Nelson Mandela was released he campaigned for everyone to be friends with each other and became the first BLACK PRESIDENT OF SOUTH AFRICA. Ram said that to many people Nelson Mandela has become a symbol of FREEDOM AND EQUALITY and has received over ONE HUNDRED AWARDS including the NOBEL PEACE PRIZE. Angus Burton said THAT WAS IMPRESSIVE.

Ram said that he would like to HOLD PUBLIC OFFICE one day. This is MUSIC TO MY EARS as I am sure he would like to replace bendy buses with elephants from Botswana and would MAKE HIS OWN SANDWICHES and not buy IMPORTS FROM NORWAY. Ram and I could not believe our eyes when we saw an empty sandwich wrapper which said "imported from Norway". Ram is a Hindu and does not eat meat or fish because he is a VEGETARIAN so he would have to have EGG SANDWICHES not ones made with ICELANDIC SALMON. Tomorrow will be my talk - and it will not be about Boris Johnson although he is a hero in the making.

There is much talk about whether Boris will be Prime Minster one day. He said he had more chance of being "decapitated by a frisbee."